When a loved one has post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), knowing how to help them and take care of yourself is important. The National Center for PTSD estimates that at least 7 or 8 in 100 people will suffer from PTSD at some point in their lives. This debilitating condition occurs after you’ve suffered trauma such as a military battle, a violent crime, or natural disaster.
Many people who go through trauma have symptoms such as reliving the event; Avoiding situations and places that remind them of the event; being nervous, angry, and irritable; and feel depressed and unable to enjoy life. Most often, trauma survivors feel better within a few weeks or months, but if after some time they are still struggling with such symptoms, they may have PTSD.
Here are five key things experts say family members and friends should know of people with PTSD.
1. It can be treated. “PTSD is a mental illness that requires professional attention,” says Dr. Shaili Jain, psychiatrist at VA Palo Alto, California, affiliated with the National Center for PTSD, operated by the Department of Veterans Affairs. “It is important to do everything possible to help your loved ones find a qualified psychologist to assist them on their path to recovery.” The National Center for PTSD has an online resource for finding a therapist as well as a range of other support tools such as PTSD treatment decision aids, apps and videos.
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“While it is certainly possible for people to improve themselves, family members can be incredibly important in providing someone with PTSD with the support they need,” agrees. “Some treatment programs specifically involve family and partners in the process.”
2. It is not something that “happened in the past”. Someone with PTSD is still experiencing trauma that may have happened months or years ago. “Some people might say, ‘It was so long ago, it’s time to just get over it,” says clinical psychologist Autumn Gallegos Greenwich, PhD, an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Rochester Medical Center who deals with interbody interventions and mind deals with post-traumatic stress symptoms. “But no matter when the traumatic event happened, physiologically and psychologically it is still happening in the moment for that person. Someone who has not been through such trauma may hear the neighbor pounding on the roof and loudly be scared, but he can figure out the context and move on. But for someone with PTSD, the body reacts like it is in danger. They are still trying to process something that is difficult to understand and needs help. “
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3. It happens to you too. If you love someone with PTSD, you are affected too.
“People who are close to someone with PTSD also need to take care of themselves,” says Gallegos Greenwich. “That is often forgotten, dismissed or minimized. You might be thinking, “My loved one went through this trauma, not me. Why do I feel this way?” But to a certain extent, you go through it too and have to take care of yourself. “
“Living with someone who has PTSD, especially if you are a family carer, can be mentally and physically demanding,” says Schnurr. “Take care, be kind, and forgive yourself, and take time to do things that will help you restore yourself. Couples or family therapies can also be very helpful if your partner agrees. “
The National Center for PTSD also provides links to help families and friends, including a guide to understanding PTSD and an app called PTSD Family Coach.
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4. Do not overprotect. “You want to reduce the stress on your loved ones, but in this case exposure to the stress is part of the therapeutic process,” says Schnurr. For example, if your partner is under stress walking into open public spaces where much is beyond control, you may want to volunteer to run these errands for them. “But it is therapeutic to learn how to go to these places and stay there long enough to get used to it and learn that it is safe to be there. Some hardship is part of this process as people work through their thoughts and feelings about the trauma. “
5. Set your own boundaries so PTSD doesn’t control your life. When you live with someone who has PTSD, you may feel like you have to walk on eggshells to avoid triggering a stressor. “The most powerful thing you can do is learn to work together with the symptoms instead of activating or exacerbating them,” says Jain. “Let’s say your partner has PTSD and that’s why he doesn’t like the crowds and doesn’t want to go to the grocery store, party, or concert. In an attempt to help, the spouse can reinforce this behavior by turning down things like family invitations and restricting what they can do in their spare time to deal with the symptoms. So nobody goes anywhere. “
Instead, understand that this isolation is a symptom of PTSD and help is available, and in the meantime, find a compromise that will work for your family and allow you to continue to do the things you enjoy doing.
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