Gone are the days when you could simply describe your relationship status as single, married, or divorced. These days, you can find yourself anywhere from talking and hanging out to partners or maybe just friends with benefits.
“Relationship titles are broad,” said James Wadley, PhD, professor and chair of counseling at Lincoln University in Philadelphia. “I see married couples calling their partner their best friend and all other kinds of caresses. There is dating, dating and all kinds of ‘it’s complicated’. “
So why titles at all?
It’s a way of making things clear. “I see people looking for these definitions to determine their own rules and their partner’s rules for how they should function in their relationship,” says Wadley. “There should be an understanding of quality time, living together, and even things about when the other person should come home at the end of the night. Often couples don’t come to an agreement about what to do and that leads to conflict. “
While Wadley points out that these days the two (or more) people in the relationship are creating their own titles, he points out seven common types of romantic relationships that you are likely to encounter:
Talk / hang out / kick it
This phase can begin with an infatuation – those ooey-gooey feelings that make you want to spend more time with one person than you do with others. It’s often casual and short. Or it can take months while both parties “figure things out”. Hanging out doesn’t mean the relationship is serious, but it does mean that you enjoy each other’s company.
Partner search
Like other types of relationships, dating has changed over time. Your grandparents or great-grandparents may have called it courting. In their day, this may have involved adult supervision. Now, dating is often reliant on technology and parents usually stay at home. The word itself means dating, but people see very different things in it. It’s important to communicate what to expect, says Wadley. For some, dating is casual – just a step away from talking – and you can date more than one person. For others, it’s the first phase of a serious relationship.
Boyfriend / girlfriend / significant other
Do you see other people If the answer is no, a couple might decide they are officially in a relationship. Having a significant other can make you feel stable. Many couples with this title share an emotional and sexual bond only with one another. The stakes are higher, but some would say the rewards are too. Couples who just see each other can focus more on clearing things up when differences of opinion arise.
Partners / domestic partners
Formerly a term for same-sex couples, today it applies to couples in general. The partner moves away from heteronormative language that assumes everyone is interested in the opposite sex, Wadley says. A civil partnership usually describes a couple who are in an intimate relationship with no formal marriage bond. Before same-sex marriage became law in the country in 2015, many same-sex couples lived in unions and enjoyed some of the benefits of marriage.
Casual relationship / friends with benefits
A couple in an open relationship has some level of commitment to one another. But they also agree that it is okay for one of them to date or have sex with other people. The key word here is to agree. This is not a scam. The term “open” means just that – every person is honest about spending time with someone else. However, studies suggest that there is a greater interest in open relationships than people talking about or agreeing to. Almost 5% of the population admit to being in an open relationship, compared to 20% of men and 15% of women who admit they are cheating on their significant other.
Open relationship
A couple in an open relationship has some level of commitment to one another. But they also agree that it is okay for one of them to date or have sex with other people. The key word here is to agree. This is not a scam. The term “open” means just that – every person is honest about spending time with someone else. However, studies suggest that there is a greater interest in open relationships than people talking about or agreeing to. Almost 5% of the population admit to being in an open relationship, compared to 20% of men and 15% of women who admit they are cheating on their significant other.
Polyamory
From ancient stories to modern reality TV, polyamory has a long history. This type of relationship involves romantic love with more than one person. Unlike an open relationship, where one member of a couple can have a relationship with another, polyamory encompasses an arrangement in which three or more people are in a relationship together or with other people.
Whether you are in one, none, or a combination of these types of unions, a healthy relationship is still important. A therapist can offer conflict resolution and other tools to keep you updated. “I think relationships benefit from checking in with a professional,” says Wadley. “You do security checks on your car. I recommend the same for healthy relationships. “
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