Cheers and ridicule for Tuesday April 6, 2021
Note: Today is C & J’s annual Random Religious Objection Day. How it works, anyone can pull a random religious objection out of the God Jar and stick to it all day. It is fun! I go first [Draws from God Jar] It is said that your exhalations of carbon dioxide are against my sincere religious beliefs. See you in court, Breathers!
– –
By the numbers:
16 days !!!
Days to Earth Day: 16
Percent of Americans surveyed by AP who approve of President Biden’s work: 61%
Minimum number of America’s largest corporations, including FedEx and Nike, didn’t pay federal taxes last year despite making billions, according to the New York Times: 55
Years since Holland was the first country to legalize same-sex marriage: 20th
Number of Countries Where Same-Sex Marriage Is Now Legal: 28
Estimated number of Maine Children lifted out of poverty thanks to the American Democratic rescue plan: 15,000
Spokeswoman Nancy Pelosi increased in two days during her final break – her biggest 48-hour stretch of all time: 6 million dollars
– –
Puppy picture of the day: The other puppies are now in the kitchen drink all the beer …
– –
CHEERS to Jobs Jobs Jobs Jobs Jobs. The hills are alive … with the sound of paychecks! ANDit people. While we still have a long way to go, the Biden recovery rolls on and brought more good news last week. The newest weekly report on unemployment claims Initial jobless claims are reportedly at their month-on-month lowest levels since March 2020, and the previous week’s report was revised by 26,000. Then there is Friday monthly employment report: A whopping 916,000 jobs were created in March, and the unemployment rate is a 13-month low at 6 percent:
The hiring data and employment data released on Friday by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the forecasts of economists of 675,000 significantly exceeded Positions added. The grand totals for January have been revised up by 67,000 to 233,000 items and for February by 89,000 to 468,000.
Wow – even the Bureau of Labor Statistics logo is recovering.
Sectors critical to recovery saw some of the largest increases: 110,000 jobs were created in construction, 280,000 in leisure and hospitality, and another 176,000 in bars and restaurants.
The most endangered area of employment right now: the Matt Gaetz sector.
JEERS to a big hot mess. Have you heard about it? It’s just the worst that can be imagined. Toxic sludge is constantly flowing through a gaping hole inside Florida– Horrible radioactive material which, if not controlled, turns into a runaway torrent that makes the already dangerous threats to the state (pandemic, rising sea levels, golf cart wars at The Villages) seem tame by comparison. Engineers are trying to figure out how to stop the slimy flow of mud, but of course the only surefire way is to remove it completely and dispose of it so it can never threaten the state like this again. But enough about Governor Ron DeSantis’s mouth. Have you heard of the poison Phosphogypsum pond that is about to burst?
CHEERS too small memories. 41 years ago today, 3M introduced Post-It Notes. The way to the market was a Textbook case of chance. Little Known Fact: A sticky note will play a central role in archiving our 45th President’s accomplishments at the Donald J. Trump Presidential Grift Shop:
Took an oath. Broke things.
Has been charged twice. Lost. Pouted.
Died. Buried together with his name. Noone came.
Now 83 years ago, in 1938, Roy Plunkett invented Teflon. It saved so many meals … and so many presidencies.
– –
SHORT SANITARY BREAK
– –
– –
END LETTER SANITY BREAK
– –
CHEERS at great moments in plastics. On On April 6, 1869, the first form of plastic – celluloid – was patented. 152 years later, the speaking heads of Fox News swear by it that they look almost lifelike. Memo to Sean Hannity: Time to order another case – they’re all related again.
CHEERS to follow the bouncing balls. Now that the final shots have been fired into the – to use Ted Cruz’s term – basketball ring, we can now announce the winners of the 2021 NCAA Gray Money Grab, masquerading as healthy college basketball tournaments. The men’s championship belongs to Baylor, and the Stanford women showed Arizona the business end of a slam dunk … by a point.
Specify.
And now that this year’s March madness is over (in April, yes, thanks, we are aware) it’s time to take the final step: you now need to pour your shredded staples into a bowl and eat them. [Munch Munch Munch…gulp.] We won’t talk about it anymore.
– –
Ten years ago in C&J: April 6, 2011
JEERS to crunch the number … and squeeze and squeeze and make up overall. The Republicans presented their last budget yesterday. The cocktail napkin formula: destruction of the social safety net + extraction of the American soul + screwing the least among us + giving gold and jewels to the richest among us – regulation x hardly any hidden sadism = A rainbow in every backyard and a unicorn in every garage. But only if you blink hard enough and chew enough peyote.
– –
And another one…
CHEERS up to 13 years of age among the winners. It’s a known fact that it takes into account C & J’s “Who Won the Week” survey launched this week in 2008 America‘s 500 pound gorilla from weekly polls. Every Friday we pick a group of worthy candidates from the previous seven-day news cycle and post them in their place of honor on the front page. The candidate with the most votes wins. Period. No electoral college here – damn it.
I can’t remember what inspired me to create the first one, but today it’s a feel-good feature that stands shoulder to shoulder with such ancient American traditions as stickball, cake cools on windowsills, and Republicans follow shit with knowledgeable and popular democratic president. Leaving the first quarter of 2021 behind, let’s take a moment to review the January through March winners. This is also a good time to review the list of achievements our 46th President and First Vice-President have achieved in the wake of a pandemic riot and despite unified opposition:
January 8th “”All of this related to the people who thwarted the Republican coup attempt and the Democrats who took control of the Senate.
15. January Eugene Goodman, U.S. Capitol Police Officer for guiding a Republican mob away from the Senate Chamber door, buying time and saving lives during the uprising
22nd of January All of this related to the inauguration of Biden-Harris
January 29th President Biden: Signs Massive Climate, Covid, and Criminal Justice Orders; lifts the transmilitary ban; 56% agreement; Announces Reopening of Obamacare Marketplace; and the dogs have arrived!
– –
Every winner of the Daily Kos WWTW survey will receive a free fat melting belt massager. True fact: President Barack Obama has 84 of them. Believe it or not, Pope Francis has six.
February 5th Team Biden-Harris: Firing Trump’s Nested Pals in droves; honors the memory of Capitol Police Officer Brian Sicknick at the Capitol; frees billions in Puerto Rico Help; and the covid reaction is ahead at full speed
February 12th The impeachment managers – representatives. Raskin, DeGette, Cicilline, Castro, Swalwell, Lieu, Dean, Plaskett and Neguse – and their co-workers for their devastating timeline of Trump’s January 6th uprising
19th of February NASA’s glorious nerds successfully land the Perseverance rover near the Jezero crater on Mars
February 26th new York Prosecutors as the Supreme Court inflicts catastrophic loss on Donald Trump by turning green light on the submission of his tax returns
– –
5. March Team Biden-Harris: Accelerates Vaccine Availability Goal by 2 Months; Invokes War Powers Act to Forge Alliance to Manufacture Merck / Johnson & Johnson Vaccines; supports organizers from Amazon Union; Permit honeymoon will continue in the mid-1950s
March 12th Team Biden-Harris: Signs Order to Expand Voter Access and Election Information; 100 million vaccine promises ahead of schedule; The first address to the nation is a hit. and signed the law on rescue plans
19th March Team Biden-Harris: Barnstorms for Rescue Plan Act; now prefers speaking filibuster; 60% plus approval; Complete 100 million recordings in just 58 days. nominated 3 for USPS Board (pack your bags, Louis DeJoy)
26th of March Team Biden-Harris: Vaccination Program Kicks Butt; Aces 1st press conference; extends Open ACA registration to August; lowest unemployment claims since the beginning of the pandemic; and the dogs are back!
Biden is sure to come out hot, but he still has a lot to do to beat the all-time champion. “Senator” Barack Obama won our first poll in 2008 and by the time he stepped down as president he had won 84 polls voted on by the Daily Kos community, undeniably making him the first time in the hearts of our compatriots. Sorry George Washington, nothing personal – we just don’t like your “uniformity of weights and measures” anymore.
I wish you a good Tuesday. The ground is open … What are you cheering and mocking about today?
– –
Today’s shameless C&J testimonial
“There’s nothing more dangerous than a ruthless asshole who thinks he’s smarter than anyone else. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Bill in Portland, Maine.”
-John Boehner
– –
Comments are closed.