Whether you are a social butterfly or a shy wallflower, you are human and therefore wired to connect with others. After a year of social distancing, many people felt lonelier than ever. And that’s not good – a lack of personal connection can lead to emotional and physical problems like:
- Trouble sleeping
- Feeling stressed out
- Altered brain function
- Increased heart problems
- Higher risk of stroke
- Bad decision making
- Memory problems
- Higher risk of substance abuse
It doesn’t take a pandemic to feel isolated. Personal events can also make you feel disconnected.
Sarah Hightower, a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta, recalls a moment of deep loneliness after a miscarriage several years ago. “I knew I wasn’t the only one experiencing this, but right now you can feel like the only one. I was in deep sadness and loneliness. “
As a therapist, Hightower tries to show clients that it is good to talk about loneliness. “It can be a call to action,” she says. “These feelings are a wake up call to see things in our lives that we can change.”
continuation
If you are feeling lonely these days – maybe more than normal – there are ways here to get to the other side.
Be nice to yourself
Your inner critic can nurture feelings of loneliness. If you think you are different from other people or you don’t fit in, it can be more difficult to connect with others. You could get stuck in a rut of loneliness. Realize your thoughts and see them as a chance to make some changes.
“Loneliness is like pain,” says David Cates, PhD, director of behavioral health for Nebraska Medicine in Omaha, NE. “It can be hard to measure, but you know when you feel it.” Realizing that you are not okay can be a sign that you may need more time with friends and family.
Be nice to others
Taking the time to help others can be of great help. When you lend a hand, you can unleash your inner joy and feel part of a larger community. Check out an elderly relative or neighbor. Volunteers for a soup kitchen or for a virtual community event.
continuation
“We know people are being injured nationally because of the pandemic,” says Cates. “The truth is, long before a global pandemic, we faced loneliness and a lack of social connections.” Experts like Cates are noticing the decline in social networks that can result from smaller family sizes, an increase in social media, more distant families, and fewer ties to voluntary and religious groups.
Plan ahead
There are days on the calendar that can make you sad. Plan hard days or seasons ahead and put something fun on the calendar. Try to meet up with friends or family safely. If a day (or season) you dread has something to look forward to, this can help.
“I call it proactive self-care,” says Hightower. “Realize that you expect to feel lonely at a certain time and be more gentle with yourself.” Plan a ride or meet up with friends. Looking forward to something joyful can bring joy.
Adopt a pet
continuation
If you already have a fur baby, you can likely share the benefits of having a pet at home. If not, welcome one to your family. Research has shown that having a pet can lower blood pressure, improve mood, and reduce stress. The extra cozy company can also help when you are feeling lonely. However, make sure you can handle the required costs and additional tasks.
Use social media wisely
Accessing social media can make you feel connected. But spending too much time online can lead to loneliness.
“Social media can sometimes trick your mind into believing that if you don’t, you are making real connections,” says Hightower. “Social media isn’t bad, but it shouldn’t replace real connections.”
Check out how much time you spend online. “We focus so much on preferences, but they don’t create a sense of connectedness,” says Dr. Adam Brown, Associate Professor of Psychology at the New School of Social Research in New York City. Instead, use social media to create connections that go beyond likes and comments. Play online games with your family and friends. Try out apps that let you watch a show or movie with someone else.
continuation
Rediscover a hobby
A hobby – even one that you do alone – can help. That magical moment of getting lost in doing something you enjoy can make you slip by loneliness. You may hear it as “flow” or “being in the zone”.
You could pick up an old hobby like reading, cooking, photography, or yoga. Things involving your hands (like knitting and painting) can also help you lose track of time – in a good way. Or sign up to learn a new hobby. Try an online course at your own pace or watch some online videos. On the way you will meet people with common interests.
Reconnect with others
You don’t need to cast thousands to stop feeling lonely. Experts say having a few close friends can make a world of difference. Start with a phone call and then schedule an online chat or coffee or tea to enjoy in person or virtually together.
Reach out to others knowing they may find it difficult to get out of their comfort zone too. Restart a family game night or plan a monthly online party with friends over the miles.
continuation
Find your why
Finding purpose may seem like a solo mission, but it isn’t. Purpose is rooted in working with others. When you find the calling of your life, you will often find those who are on the same path with you. Some of this can come from reconnecting with your beliefs or spending time thinking.
Digging into your roots can also help define your purpose. Listening to stories about your family history can relieve depression and increase self-esteem, says Brown. “When we learn how our family members have survived difficult times, we can put our challenges into context.”
According to Brown, research suggests that nostalgic activities like flipping through old family photos can help you feel more connected.
Go out
Whether you’re with a friend or alone, spending time in nature can improve your mood. “There’s a whole bunch of research that shows that being outdoors can help people with loneliness,” says Brown.
continuation
Take a scenic drive. Go for a walk in the park alone or with a friend. Take a day off from work or family and enjoy a day at the beach, by the lake, or on a hiking trail. If you work from home, set up your office outdoors when the weather is nice.
continuation
Move your body
Moving around has a number of benefits, including helping you overcome the blues of loneliness. Try dancing, yoga, or walking, or find an exercise class online. Staying active can help with depression, anxiety, stress, and many other things that can come with loneliness.
Don’t have the time or energy for a long workout? No problem. Start with 5 to 10 minutes a day and build from there. Studies show that moderate exercise – where you breathe heavier than normal and get a little warm – can have great benefits.
Find therapy
Everyone feels lonely from time to time. However, experts say that there is a problem when you feel:
- Lonely more than once a week
- Empty
- As if you don’t belong
If you can’t get rid of these feelings, you may need to speak to a counselor. Losing a loved one, divorce, retiring, or moving to a new city can make people feel lonely. A therapist can help you manage these moments and give you tools to make them better.
continuation
Learn to appreciate time alone
It may sound strange, but spending time alone can help when you are feeling lonely. “It’s important to distinguish between loneliness and social isolation,” says Cates. Loneliness is subjective. There are people who are quite isolated who are not lonely, and others who are with many people who have a deep sense of loneliness.
When you spend time with yourself, you can feel charged. Bring more clarity and concentration and encourage creativity. It can also help you with your relationships as you can spend time with yourself to appreciate your time with others. As with anything, balance is key. If you spend too much time alone, your gut will tell you. You may feel like something is wrong. This can be a good sign to get back in touch with others.
Loneliness doesn’t have to be a constant in your life. A few changes can bring back the joy, connection, and friendships that are waiting around the corner.
Comments are closed.