Confidence isn’t always easy for Linette Roungchun. The 35-year-old eczema lawyer spent the first half of her life worrying about what her skin looked like to others. But over time, she says, living with the skin condition helped her make “incredibly real” connections.
“Everyone has this vulnerable side,” says Roungchun. “When they first see that you are vulnerable, they feel like they can be themselves. That’s why I’m very lucky when it comes to relationships and friendships in my life. “
There is no cure for eczema. But your symptoms don’t have to get in the way of your relationships. And you may be surprised what happens when you are satisfied with yourself and speak openly about your condition.
Dating with eczema
Roungchun, who also has a topical steroid withdrawal (TSW), met her current partner on Instagram. He is also part of the Eczema and TSW community. (TSW is a condition where you develop symptoms like burning, stinging, and bright red skin after you stop taking topical steroid medications.)
But she has used dating apps in the past. She posted photos without skin-smoothing filters. And just in case they didn’t look carefully at her pictures, she brought up her eczema before the first date.
“It’s not that I’m unsure, but it’s a physical trait that is a big part of my life,” she says. “And I wanted you to know.”
She says her honesty resulted in some “great moments”. Her dates didn’t seem to worry about her looks. Instead, they checked in to see how she was feeling. Would a particular restaurant be better for their allergies? Did she have her medicine?
“They wanted to make sure that I was comfortable, that I was okay, and that I had the things I needed,” says Roungchun.
In addition to discussing your eczema beforehand, Roungchun recommends doing some practical preparation before going on a date. This is especially important if they can last overnight. Consider packing a bag with:
- Eczema friendly moisturizer
- Your preferred detergent and shampoo
- Antihistamines
- All of the eczema treatments that you use
- Your towel and pillow case
- A robe or wrap to protect your skin from itchy sheets or blankets
Lindsey Bordone, MD, assistant professor of dermatology at Columbia University Medical Center, says one reason to bring skin care products is that eczema can feel worse at night. This is because your body’s cortisol levels naturally drop in the evening. This stress hormone acts as a natural anti-inflammatory during the day.
If you’re stressed out on the first date, think twice about having a cocktail to calm your nerves. Drinking makes some people itchier, says Bordone.
Find others with eczema
Whether you are looking for love, friendship, or support, you may feel more comfortable around people who understand what you are going through. Roungchun says she can see someone from afar and knows if they share her symptoms.
“I know this skin pattern. I know that look. I’ve seen it all my life, ”she says. “You don’t even have to say anything and we’re already a family.”
Roungchun lives in California where she leads face-to-face and virtual meetings with others in the eczema and TSW community. Sometimes she hosts global remote chat with the help of her partner who lives in London.
“We started something called The Itch Factor, which is basically about itchy performing arts artists trying to get through this crazy disease together,” she says.
Search for online groups, local meetups, or social media hashtags to find like-minded people. You can find groups on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
This is how you talk to loved ones
Your friends and family may know more about eczema than you think. But Bordone says one easy way to explain your symptoms is to say that you have a skin condition that flares up from time to time. It can cause a lot of itching and pain.
Roungchun describes her eczema a little more precisely. She likens it to an injury where you get a big open scab, only the wound covers your whole body – and it itches at the same time.
Speaking to your family can point out that eczema ranks just below cerebral palsy in terms of impact on quality of life. “It really has such a big impact,” she says.
However you explain them, don’t keep your symptoms to yourself. The support of spouses, partners, friends, and family can make a huge difference in your life.
And when they know what’s wrong with you, they’ll be more understanding when you have to cancel a social outing or don’t want to wear an itchy lace bridesmaid dress.
Let loved ones know when eczema is getting in the way of your daily life, for example:
- Disturbs your sleep
- Makes it hard to go to work
- Affects your mental health
Tips to improve your social life
Not only can eczema make you feel ashamed about your skin, but the itching and pain can sometimes get so bad that you don’t want to leave the house. But keeping in touch with others is important for your mental – and physical – health. To save your social life:
Don’t isolate yourself. Avoiding others could make you feel less confident. But a persistent condition like eczema increases your risk of anxiety and depression. Loneliness can make these feelings worse. “It’s better for your sanity to be around people,” says Bordone.
Take your time for big events. You don’t have to go to every social outing. But Roungchun tries not to miss a niece or nephew’s birthday party or a friend’s wedding. “Go to the things that will never happen again,” she says.
Get out of your head Roungchun says she forgets her skin when she’s on stage. That’s one reason why she loves performing arts like opera. But everyone is different. “You just have to find the thing that really grabs you and makes the rest of the world fall,” she says.
Look for mental health care. A psychiatrist or psychologist can help you cope with life with an ongoing illness. They will also give you a chance to talk about how you feel about eczema. That can be of great help if your condition is genuinely affected, says Bordone.
The bottom line is you don’t have to hide your eczema or let the good things in life hold you back. This includes strong friendships and intimate relationships. “That can’t take this disease away from you,” says Roungchun.
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