Duane Gordon was a project manager at a Montreal company when his boss asked him to chair the Monday morning meeting. “I was excited because this was obviously a test of [whether] At some point I could be prepared to take over the department, “he recalls.
This discussion took place on Friday afternoon. Everyone showed up for the meeting on Monday wondering where the boss was, including Gordon. “The fact that I was supposed to lead this meeting was gone from my memory,” he says. When the boss didn’t show up, everyone went back to their desks. Later that day the boss came in and asked Gordon how the meeting had gone. “I said, ‘We didn’t have the meeting, you weren’t here. I thought we would have it if you came in.’ And he looked at me in complete amazement, like, ‘How is that even possible?’ “
Gordon suffers from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). He describes it as a feeling of paranoia. “You are always, always nervous.”
He explains, “You never know when something will go terribly wrong. There is every chance. When my boss calls me, I wonder what went wrong. When I get mail I wonder if I’m going to jail. You assume and expect that something will take you by surprise at any moment, and it is something you have done or forgotten that will have serious repercussions. “
ADHD is a condition that both children and adults can have. Symptoms include inability to concentrate, easily distracted, hyperactivity, poor organizational skills, and impulsiveness. Not everyone who has ADHD has all of these symptoms. They vary from person to person and tend to change with age.
Adults also have ADHD
Only in the last few decades have researchers realized that ADHD can persist into adulthood. Experts say every adult with ADHD had it as a child, whether or not it was diagnosed. And most adults with ADHD weren’t diagnosed as children, says Linda Walker, an ADHD trainer. She helps clients with time management, organization, and anything else they need to be successful in life.
continuation
“We [humans] are not very empathetic, “says Walker. She says it is difficult for people who do not have ADHD to understand someone with it. Walker says she learned from experience: She is married to Gordon.” When you are with a person living together who has ADHD, you realize that there is no one on earth who would try so hard to fail over and over again. “
Gordon was diagnosed in her early 30s when they sought help for their daughter. She had great difficulty concentrating in school. They started learning about ADHD and soon found out that both Gordon and their daughter had the disease.
Terry Matlen, MSW, is a therapist who specializes in adults with ADHD, especially women. She also has ADHD. Her diagnosis came after that of her daughter. “A real common theme,” she says. ADHD usually occurs in families.
She describes ADHD like this: “It’s a chronic feeling of being overwhelmed. It feels like being attacked in all areas of your daily life – how sounds and lights and sensory things can be overwhelming, “Matlen is the author of Survival Tips for Women with ADHD.”
She says she hit a wall after becoming a mother. “And we often see that with women, when their life gets more complicated, they can’t keep track of things. Both of my children turned out to be hyperactive. I couldn’t keep up. I felt like a total failure, someone with two college degrees couldn’t do anything seemingly simple like bringing dinner on the table every night or organizing the house. “
She says it cost her self-esteem a lot: “For example, what is the matter with me? There are people with five children who can handle all family responsibilities. Why couldn’t I do it with two? I’m stupid? Am I incompetent? “
She wants others with ADHD to understand what she knows now: “You are not broken, you are not hopeless, you just need a little extra help.”
Karen Thompson is an Atlanta-based draftsman at an engineering company who sought help in her thirties. “People said I didn’t have a filter, I jumped from topic to topic, and I had a lot of thoughts in my head.” A psychiatrist diagnosed her with ADHD and prescribed medication to help her calm down, but also to be very sleepy and nauseous. So she got off it and tried other ways to control her ADHD, such as exercise and yoga.
continuation
“I feel like a healthy person when I wake up in the morning and get on with my day, but I have a lot of thoughts on my mind. I’m a lot fidgety. I can’t sit still, I can’t get comfortable in a chair. Maybe I’m a little emotional. ADHD can [do that]. Sometimes I feel good and then someone tells me something bad and then I feel kind of down. “
She says her condition has resulted in negative interactions with colleagues and managers. “People don’t understand the difficulty you have when it comes to focus and distraction [considered] mediocre, ”she says.
“You can not [always] Look at someone and say they have ADHD, “says Matlen.” Especially when they have outgrown the hyperactive component of ADHD, you don’t see the inner struggle. “
Adapt to your challenges
As for Gordon, after the meeting that didn’t take place, he was suspended, demoted, and received a cut in his salary. But it was also a turning point. He had just started working with an ADHD coach. “I’ve found that I would be much better if I went with my strengths,” he says. “And my strengths are not details. It’s creativity and finding solutions to technical problems. “
swell
SWELL:
Children and Adults with Attention Deficit and Hyperactive Disorder: “Diagnosing ADHD in Adults.”
Duane Gordon, Montreal.
Kolar, D. Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment, April 2008.
Terry Matlen, MSW, ACSW, psychotherapist; ADHD Coach and Director, ADD Consults, Detroit.
Karen Thompson, author, Atlanta.
Linda Walker, PCC, ADHD Trainer, Montreal.
© 2015 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.
Comments are closed.