Sharing a bed can make you feel closer to your partner, but it can also be difficult when you have different sleep needs. Snoring, staggered sleep plans, and a room that is too hot or too cold are common sleep problems. But it is still possible to manage these issues and sleep with your partner for a full night.
Basics of sleep hygiene
Whether you sleep as a couple or alone, your bedroom should be as dark, cool and quiet as possible. Stick to a regular sleep schedule, including on weekends. Try to avoid caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or heavy meals 3 to 4 hours before bed, as these can keep you awake. And turn off your smartphone, tablet, laptop and television. The light from these devices can slow the release of melatonin, a hormone that helps you fall asleep, in your brain.
“Some people can’t sleep because they can’t turn off their brains,” said Lynn J. Goodloe, MD, medical director of Pacific Rejuvenation Medical in West Hills, California. “Instead of working on the computer, you should do something relaxing before you go to bed.”
To relax, try breathing exercises: Breathe slowly and deeply through your nose using the muscles of your diaphragm. Visualization exercises are another relaxation option that will help you relieve stress through the use of mental imagery.
Snoring and sleep apnea
Snoring is a common sleep problem for many partners. Almost half of us (45%) snore sometimes or all of the time.
For those who sleep with a snorer, remember to go to bed before your partner. If you’re already sleeping, it’ll be easier to block out the noises. You can also wear earplugs, use white noise, or listen to music while you fall asleep. Just make sure it turns itself off so it doesn’t wake you up again.
If you’re staying up at night from snoring, here are some things to try:
- Stay at a healthy weight. If you are overweight, extra tissue in your throat can lead to snoring.
- Stop smoking. Smoking increases the likelihood of snoring.
- Avoid alcohol before bed. Alcohol slows down your central nervous system and relaxes the muscles in your neck, both of which lead to snoring.
- Sleep on your side. If you sleep on your back, your tongue is more likely to slide down your throat. This narrows your airways and blocks the flow of air. One idea: sew a tennis ball into the back of your pajama top so you stay by your side.
- Treat nasal congestion. Nasal problems like allergies, constipation, a cold, or a deviating nasal septum (crooked tissue between the nostrils) can all block airflow in your nose and cause snoring.
- Wear nasal strips. You place these strips on the bridge of your nose to widen your nasal passages for better breathing.
- Sleep on the slope. Raise the head of your bed about 4 inches.
continuation
In addition to snoring, you can briefly stop breathing or gasp for air. These are all signs of the sleep disorder sleep apnea and require a doctor’s visit. They will ask about your sleep and medical history, and may ask your partner to share what they have observed.
If you have mild sleep apnea, your doctor may first suggest lifestyle changes, including weight loss and, if you smoke, quitting. If it turns out that you have moderate to severe sleep apnea, they may recommend a continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) machine. While you sleep, wear a mask that draws air into your nose and mouth. The steady flow of air opens your airways and stops sleep apnea.
Studies show that a CPAP machine can improve the quality of sleep for both partners, and a supportive partner can help you get through treatment. But there are hurdles. Remember, getting used to a CPAP machine takes time and patience. But in the long run, it will help you avoid further sleep apnea-related problems.
Sleep plans
You’re an early bird while your partner is a night owl. How can you make sure you both are getting enough sleep? “The most important thing is to respect the other person’s habits,” said James Rowley, MD, medical director of the Sleep Disorders Center at DMC Detroit Receiving Hospital and president of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine.
For example, if you stay up late to watch TV while your partner is sleeping, be sure to move to a different room. Also, be as quiet as possible when getting in and out so as not to wake your partner.
Room temperature
A cooler room between 68 and 72 degrees is the best choice for optimal sleep. If you get cold while your partner is hot asleep, you have to compromise. “It’s easier to add covers than to take them off when you’re already hot,” says Rowley.
You may want to try out each sleeping space with your own blanket to achieve the perfect sleeping temperature.
mattress
The right mattress is critical to a good night’s sleep. Keep these things in mind when purchasing a new mattress:
- Stability. The more resilient or less stable your mattress, the more likely it is that you will disturb your partner while they are sleeping. Look for a mattress that isolates movement and reduces transmission of motion. Foam mattresses tend to be less springy than other types.
- Support. Your mattress should support each person based on their height, weight, and sleeping style – whether you sleep on your back, side, or stomach.
If possible, try a mattress together before buying it to make sure it will work for both of you.
If it turns out that you and your partner sleep too differently, the answer might be to sleep in separate rooms. It’s not ideal, but it could mean a better night’s sleep.
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